A parent's love...

As I sat there on the operating room table, so many things flashed through my mind. I sat in position cross legged so that I could get my spinal done and I quickly remembered doing that before. I remember the first time I came in for a cerclage and how scared I was that time. I remember shaking so hard and trying so hard not to cry, all I knew at that time was that was my only chance of someday meeting Ethan. I did it, I went through that cerclage and held him in long enough to have him here with us today. As they lay me down, I then remembered the second time I was in the operating room. I looked to my left and saw the little baby bassinet and work space and I remembered seeing Ethan's little tiny legs and arms shooting up into the air and the nurse yelling to me that he was 2 lbs. I remembered seeing Matt there with Ethan making sure he was ok. I remembered thinking, I just had my baby 3 1/2 months earlier than I expected to.

Then, as I lay there, I thought about how important this was to the child I was now carrying. I kept telling myself that this was necessary for this new life. I continued to pray through about half of the surgery, which lasted about 45 minutes from beginning to end. My last one was about 15 minutes, so it seemed like it would take forever. But as my mind drifted from prayers, to visions of my beautiful smiling Ethan and to the strength that Matt gives me each and every day, the time flew by. I looked at the clock thinking it would just be about 10 minutes in and we were already 35 minutes in.

I thought about what I have been able to do as a mother. The ultimate gift I could give to my children is life, but it is not the way some mothers give it. Many mothers get pregnant, go through the pregnancy perfectly normal and have that baby full-term without too many major issues along the way. Some mothers have a pretty normal pregnancy, but may have some minor complications along the way. Some mothers never get to meet their child. Some mothers meet their child, but then have to say goodbye. Some mothers don't give birth, but give their child a life they would not have had if they didn't choose them. Some mothers deal with a several near losses of their child and meet their child way too early. That's the one I fit into. As you can see, all mothers bring their children into the world in different ways. But, what we have in common is what we do for those children and what we are willing to give up for our children.

As I lay there on that table, I realized what I gave up for Ethan to have the life he has now. I was on hospital bedrest for 3 weeks. I spent every day at the hospital with him for 88 days. I took a semester off of work. I have spent many, many hours taking him to his many different appointments. I've done it for him, because I want the best for him.

I realized what I have already done for this baby. I have changed my daily habits with Ethan so that I would not carry him. I was sitting their getting my cerclage to hold this pregnancy as long as possible. I knew I was facing bedrest at some point.

I did all of these things for my children. Little did I know how important Tuesday was for my child. I had already started the process of dilation, which meant that this cerclage came at the perfect moment. I take that as a sign that as I went through a scary day on Saturday of possibly losing the pregnancy, it was meant to be that I made it to the surgery.

I can't forget the role of the dad in all of this. My children have the best father in the world. Matt has been a rock, even though I know he is just as scared as I am. He was the rock when we dealt with Ethan's birth. He came to the hospital every day for 109 days to visit Ethan and I. He helped me when I was exhausted from being home all day with Ethan, he gets up in the middle of the night with Ethan when I am tired or sick myself. He never fights me when it comes to taking care of Ethan, he is his dad and he takes that role seriously. He has been the rock during this pregnancy. He sat with me at the hospital all day and he was there for me every time I threw up because of the anesthetic, he cleaned the bucket, he got me washclothes, he took care of me. He came home that night and prepared the guest room downstairs for me so that I don't have to climb the stairs to our room. When I suggested that I could go upstairs once a day to get my clothes, he told me no and said he can get me whatever I need. He told me that I am just going to stay downstairs from now on and not just for the week. He set his cell phone into our home phone so that with a couple of button pushes, I can call him if there is a need for him in the middle of the night. He is getting me the things I need, like my meals, drinks and anything else that I have asked for. He makes sure that Ethan has me as part of his bedtime routine. These are the things he is doing and giving up for this child.

We know that with the strength that we both have in different ways, we will make it through this pregnancy and bring another wonderful child into the world. A parents' love is so strong and nothing can take its place. Take a moment to be thankful for what your parents have done for you, or just reflect on the many things you have done for your child/ren. When faced with the things we have been faced with this week, we are so grateful to be parents and to be able to show our love to our children in such a special way.

In this, the love our families have shown us has been wonderful. We have been fed, everyone has helped us with getting Ethan taken care of this week. We are so thankful for all of the support from everyone, whether it has been through emails, phone calls, donations to the March of Dimes or especially through prayers. We feel the strength surrounding us.

We will keep you updated on how things go. So far, things are getting better pain wise. I have been happy for that to go away. I see the OB next Thursday, so I will give an update on how things are going then. Hopefully, the rest of the week is uneventful :)