Busy Week!

We had quite a big week! On Saturday, my lease on my car was up, which meant we had to get a new car. For several weeks, we have been researching the best cars for our needs. Several weeks ago, we drove to several dealerships to just look at the cars we thought would be possible. We went when they were closed, so that we could just look without getting forced into something. We wrote down all of the possibilities and then we signed up for consumer reports. We looked everything up and then narrowed down our list to two cars that fit all of our needs. So, we test drove the Toyota Sienna and the Ford Taurus X. While at Ford, we also drove the Ford Flex. After driving the cars, we decided to eliminate the Taurus and add the Flex.

So, last week, we talked to both Toyota and Ford and ended up with a better deal on the Flex. It had all of the features we wanted, plus a few extras and the bonus was that it was in Red!! My favorite color! On Saturday, we packed up the boys and headed to Ford to buy my Flex! We love it and it has been fun getting used to all of the new little features. We are so excited about it and Ethan loves it!!

Then on Sunday, we celebrated Micah's baptism. Our friends Andy and Becky were his Godparents. We all headed to lunch afterwards, and it was fun to get a chance to catch up with friends and family. Micah did such a great job at his baptism, everyone was impressed. My pastor walks the babies down the aisle a little so that everyone can see the newest member of the church. Micah seemed to just take it all in. He sat there just looking at everyone, which was so cute. We were so happy to finally celebrate his birth and his being a child of God. It was a pretty busy weekend, but we had such a great time with everything.
I will post some pictures of the baptism and my new car as soon as I have them :)

On a sadder note, we lost a young boy in our church congregation on Sunday. He was 11 years old and passed away unexpectedly. I would like to ask you to pray for his family. His name was Larry and he was such a bright spot in our church. His family is obviously having a difficult time dealing with the loss of Larry. It has been a shock to all who knew him. Today was the funeral. Please pray for all who knew Larry, especially his parents and sister.

4 Months!!

Micah turned 4 months old last Friday. I took him to the doctor this past Monday for his well baby check. He weighed 15lbs 15oz and was 25 inches long!! He moved back to the 50th percentile. At his 3 month appointment he was in the 90th, but during the last month he must have evened out again and is now exactly where he should be :) He looks huge though and even feels huge. Micah is starting to learn more about his voice and is making sure we know it too. We hear more "yelling" now as he is trying to talk.

We still think he has some teeth that are trying to work their way in, but they haven't shown yet. We will start solids next month, so that will be a fun experience. I'm sure he will be such a happy baby to get something other than liquid. He practically drools over the food we eat. It is so funny the way he watches us eat, as if he is about grab the food right out of our hand.

Micah is now start to grab for what he wants, which has been interesting. The other day, I went to pick him up after a very long day at work and he grabbed my face and started licking and sucking on my cheek! Apparently, he thought I was his bottle. He is also starting to grab my hands and pulling them to his mouth to suck on them. It is weird to see him in this stage. Ethan didn't like to put anything in his mouth, but Micah seems to love it. I remember prying Ethan's mouth open, just to get him to suck on something for teething! We have no problem this time, I think, instead, we will have to take things out of his mouth.

Overall, he seems to be growing and developing very well. He had a couple of vaccines on Monday and he was such a trooper. I was always proud of the way Ethan handled shots. He would just cry for a few seconds, then look at my face and calm down. Micah does the same thing. He cried for just a few seconds, found my face and calmed down. I was so proud of him. He seems to have a pretty similar temperament as Ethan, which will mean good things if it stays that way. We have been really lucky with Ethan being such a good boy, and we hope that we have the same thing with Micah. So far he seems to be very similar to Ethan in that respect.

Ethan will be going to kindergarten next year, so Matt went to an introductory meeting for that last Friday. He will go to the same school that he is currently attending, which will be great for his transition. We have already started to prep him for the fact that he will have a different teacher and a lot more friends in his class. He seems to understand now, because he will tell us how it will be different. In March, we get to go to the open house for kindergarten. I've subbed in the kindergarten at his school, so I know a little bit about it already, but it has been something like 8 years since I subbed there. I talked with his teacher yesterday and we were able to discuss some of the plans for Ethan. We will finalize the plans for him sometime in May. At that time, it will be decided if he will stay on the IEP and then what kind of services he will need. It sounds like he will probably have the IEP, but as a team we'll have to discuss what will be the best situation for him. Our biggest concern is that he doesn't fall through the cracks and just slip by each year. Thankfully, his district has a good special eduction program, so we are really happy about that.

Here are some pictures of my big boys!!

The monthly picture with the bear!

Big Brother wanted to hop into the picture!

Proud of his trains that he was playing with.

Huh??? What do you want now?

This is what I get to see everyday! It makes me so happy!

Emotional times...

I wasn't sure if I would post about this or not, but it seems to keep coming up in different conversations I have had recently. 2 weeks ago, I finally began to pack up the maternity clothes I had left and the 0-3 month clothes that Micah had outgrown. It needed to be done for weeks, but something kept making me put it off. I finally decided that it had to be done in order for other things to get organized.

As I was packing things up I found myself getting more and more upset. I sat there holding the baby clothes and remembering Ethan wearing some of them. I also remembered how Ethan never got to wear a lot of them because of his oxygen and monitor wires and tubing. Micah grew so fast that he was also not able to wear some of the clothing more than one time. As I sat there remembering, I realized that none of my children would ever wear the clothing again. I also realized that I was not ready to give away or sell the clothes.

Matt came upstairs as I was finishing and saw that I was upset. In that moment, I finally broke down and cried. I didn't realize how hard it would be to deal with this. During the pregnancy, both Matt and I knew that we didn't want to go through another pregnancy because of the risk to any future child and to me. I never really had time to let it sink in, so it hit me that day when I was packing things up. It hit me that I would never be pregnant again and would never wear my maternity clothes again. It hit me that I would never have another baby to wear all of the cute little outfits that we have. It hit me that I HAD to make a decision that I didn't really want to make.

After having Ethan, I realized how much I loved being a mom and had said that if I had a good second pregnancy I would want to try for a 3rd. But, after Micah's pregnancy turned out to be difficult in a whole new way, I knew that I couldn't go through it again. I still wanted another child, but I knew I couldn't. So, on that day, I realized how much it hurt that I had to make that decision. I know that some people would say that no one made me get my tubes tied, but I made me. So, I am fighting against myself in this. I stand behind my decision to not put a future child at risk, but I am still saddened by the fact that I won't have any more children. I am so blessed to have the two children I have. I could have easily lost both and I know that the chances are too high that I would lose the next one.

I have talked about it with several people recently, because I have been asked if I will have any other children. It has made me realize that I am not crazy for feeling the way I do, or for making the decision I made. Everyone has said that they would have probably made the same decision, but would have also felt the same kind of sadness. I am so happy with my two children and I really do feel that my family is complete, but I still need to work my way through this decision.

Every day that goes by, I feel more and more comfortable with my decision. Every day that I deal with the pain from the bedrest, I remind myself how hard I had to work to bring life to my child Micah. Every day that I watch Ethan grow and learn, I remind myself of the 88 days I held his hands and willed him to live, I remind myself of all of the years of specialists and therapist appointments. It is in those moments I remind myself why I HAD to make the decision I did. I didn't want to risk the life of a child, my child. I couldn't go through the stress of having a high-risk pregnancy again and deal with being scared every single day of the pregnancy.

My brain tells me all of those things and helps me to see the intelligence behind this choice. My heart on the other hand is not as logical. My heart is the heart of a mommy and it will take it a little longer to become as logical, but we are almost there! Everyday, my heart fills even more with the love for my children. I now understand why, even though you have made a choice, you may still be sad. I thank all of the people that have been so supportive with our decision and helping us to feel like we made the right choice.

Sickness and more...

The last time I wrote, I mentioned that Ethan was getting sick. He ended up with an ear infection along with all of the asthma/cold stuff. In the end, we were giving him 4 different medications. Unfortunately, because he was on prednosone along with his albuterol, we ended up with many sleepless nights. One morning he woke up at 1:30 am and never went back to sleep until about 8pm that night!! Then that night he woke up at 3:30am and didn't go back to sleep until that evening. It was not a fun couple of nights, but somehow we made it through. He is still coming out of it all, but is doing a lot better overall. Micah seems to have avoided this mess, but he has had a runny nose off and on, which could be from the teething we think he is doing right now. Matt and I have not done as well as Micah though. Matt got sick toward the end of the week and I am now getting sick. Hopefully, we will all be healthier soon, because we are sick of being sick! I just wish things would be easier with Ethan and sickness, but I guess we'll just have to wait that out and hope we will someday be able to get through a cold without being worried about his asthma and lungs in general.

Other than that, we are surviving me being back at work. It has been difficult at times, but we are making it. I'm trying not to bring home a lot of work, but that doesn't seem to be working too well. I'd really like to get to a point where I don't have to bring home anything. I'm hoping to get myself a couple of weeks ahead if possible, so that I can spend more time with the kids in the evening. Its funny because I have brought home stuff each night and most nights I am so exhausted and end up hanging out with Ethan and Micah, then going to bed. Tonight is one of those nights. As soon as I finish this I'm headed to bed, because I am really beginning to feel quite sick. Plus, I have Micah cuddled up on me right now and he needs to cuddle up in his bed :)

Hopefully, in the next week or so I'll have some pictures of my new car! We are in the process of looking right now, since my car lease is about to be up. I think we are down to 2 or 3 cars and are just trying to decide which will give us the most features! It is hard with all of the high-tech stuff available now :)

Here are some recent pictures of Micah and Ethan...