Our Anniversary!

Today is our 9th anniversary :) We can't even believe it has been that long and all that has happened in that 9 years. No, we do not still have Doritoes from our wedding (we are still always asked that). Long story short...Matt thought it would be funny to register for Doritoes, so our family and friends thought it would be funny to cover our gift table in Doritoes! Let's just say, lots of friends and family got bags of Doritoes when we visited for several months after the wedding.

Our story begins in March of 1993. We were about to have a school dance where the girls ask the guys and the person I asked was already busy, so I needed a date. I was at lunch with my friends and my friend Mike said, "you know, you and my friend Matt would probably make a good couple". And there it began, we saw each other for the first time across the gym at a pep assembly (of course, that was before I got glasses, so he was more of a blur, but at least he saw me). We each told our friends to give the other one our phone numbers and that night we talked for the first time. Right away, we hit it off and that phone call lasted several hours, which led into many more. We had our first date a couple of nights later, we had our friend Mike join in with us, since we had never met in person. A few days after that, on March 31, we decided to become a couple.

The dance was April 3 and we were both nervous. Everything in that past week had happened so fast, but it all seemed so right. We got along so well and we had a great time at the dance. Here is a picture of us from that dance and our first official picture :)


I was 15 1/2 and Matt had just turned 17. We were so young! We continued to go to many more dances and have many more dates. We both went to BGSU (a year apart from each other). We never broke up in all that time, even though things weren't always perfect and we were close at times, we always seemed to stay together. We even survived me going to Italy for 3 months only 2 months after we started dating :)

On my 21st birthday in 1998, Matt proposed to me. I had had a rough day in BG and Matt ended up making it a wonderful day. We went to dinner and he proposed outside my parents' house. I knew in that moment that we would live a great life together. I was so happy and excited to marry him. 10 months later, on July 31, 1999, we were married. It was a perfect wedding and we had such a great time. We were both so happy. I can remember sitting in the back of the limo, shortly after the ceremony and bubble blowing, and we both sat there in complete awe that we were just married. The limo was really long, so that we could fit the wedding party in and we were all alone for the quick ride before the pictures started. We felt so strange knowing that we were finally married after all this time, it had been over 6 years since we started dating. We had talked about getting married since the first months we were together, and it was worth the wait :)

Here is a picture from those first moments we were in the limo together. As you can see, we were so happy to finally be married. It was one of the happiest days in our lives.

We were talking the other day about how we really can't remember our lives without each other in it. We've been together for 15 years now and we have seen each other through so many different things over the years. We have become an even stronger couple because of all of the things we have been through over the years. We have been able to find a completely different side to each other as we have become parents and especially because of the struggles we have been through with Ethan and with this little one. We have learned about our strengths and weaknesses and we have found how well we complement each other.

We thank Mike for that suggestion over 15 years ago. We would not be here if he had not seen that we would be good together. Even he is still amazed by the fact that he was such a good matchmaker :) After all these years, we still love each other and we still connect on so many levels. We love being parents, we love making each other laugh (we have gone into laughing fits quite a few times this week), we love the family we have created and we especially love making each other happy. I don't think we could ever find a better match than what we have now :)

So, Happy Anniversary to us!! I love you Matt, always and forever!

Third Trimester!!!!

Well, we finally made it! I am officially in the 3rd Trimester. This is such a huge thing in the life of the baby! 3rd Trimester gives so much more hope in terms of the health of the baby if he were to be born early. I still plan to make it as far as possible, but I have taken a slight sigh of relief because I know that we are in the next safety zone. As each week passes, things are that much safer.

It really hit me the other day that we are looking at about 8-12 weeks, probably closer to the lower end of it. I can't believe we will see this little man in about 2 months. It seems like the next few weeks are nothing, being that I have already been here resting for 14 weeks. I feel like it is just going to fly by :)

I go back to the doctor next Tuesday and then after that I will move to weekly appointments. My doctor said he just wants to see me every week during 3rd trimester to keep a better eye on any changes. I feel really good about the fact that so far, I have not really had any contractions and that I have had no other signs of preterm labor. I know that it could change any day now, especially as the baby gains weight and puts the pressure on me, but I feel safer knowing that I will be checked every week.

I go in next Thursday to go to the diabetes education class and to meet with the dietician. It kind of frustrates me that it will be another week before I know what I can and can't do. But, I am planning to take a look at some sample menus in the meantime to help me get started.

Overall, I am so very excited that I am in the third trimester! Of course, the side effects that come with getting bigger are oh, so much fun!! I can tell he is pressing up against my stomach because I have plenty of heartburn. Getting up has been really fun lately. My leg and arm muscles are slowly turning into mush, so trying to get up from laying position has been interesting :) I am loving getting big and pregnant, but I think it would be just a little easier if I had some muscle left. It will certainly be interesting to see how I do over the next several weeks :)

Another positive of being in the 3rd trimester is that I really love feeling the baby moving inside of me. I only had a few short weeks of that with Ethan, so it has been extra special this time. I love every little kick, move and wiggle. Now, if only the little stinker would kick so that other people could feel him. Everytime I try to have someone feel, including his daddy, he immediately stops kicking. When their hand goes away he kicks! He reminds me so much of Ethan sometimes :)

Ethan's Birthday Pictures

Here are some of the pictures from Ethan's birthday.

This is from his actual birthday, with mommy and daddy!

Opening presents on Sunday.

These are two of the presents he got from mommy and daddy. He is into this cheesy smile lately.

This is the blanket mommy finally finished. It only took 4 years :) I guess this would be a benefit of being on bedrest. Grandma S. helped by sewing a backing on it, so that it is nice and soft.

I also have a funny Ethan story to share. It may bring back some memories for some of you. A few weeks ago Ethan, Matt and I were watching an old episode of The Cosby Show and it was the one where the grandparents are celebrating their 49th anniversary. The kids all perform a song for them and at the chorus where they sing "modern days", Ethan looked at Matt very seriously and said "are they singing potty days??" We of course laughed. I thought I would attach a link to that part of the episode, so that you can all take a trip down memory lane with us. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XSvGdfOfLFw

I have Gestational Diabetes

Yes, it is true, on Friday, I found out the results of my test and it showed that I do have gestational diabetes. I did not really feel in the mood to post it because I wanted to continue to celebrate Ethan's birthday this weekend. It was pretty hard to find out that this has been added to our plate, but we are hopeful that this will not be a major issue for us. They told me my numbers were low, I don't know what they were, because in that moment I was too upset to even think to ask. Since I have low numbers, it sounds like I may only have to make some adjustments to my diet. I've been reading a few things online and I am feeling better about it. Some people have also emailed me about their experiences, which have also helped a lot.

It has been a lot to take, but I am feeling better about all of it. I will talk to the dietician today to find out what my next step is. Lets just say, I had a great food weekend :) I enjoyed myself just in case I will not be able to eat some of my favorite stuff. Hopefully, I won't have to do too much different then what I am already doing :)

I will say that it is best that I did not write this on Friday or even Saturday, it would have been a lot more depressing :) But, the news has been digested and I am thinking more clearly. I know we can do this and I'm only looking at another 8-12 weeks. My goal is 8 weeks at this point. I get my cerclage removed at 36 weeks and we are hoping to have the baby sometime within that next week or so.

I'll try and post some birthday pictures of Ethan later today. He's a pretty lucky kid because he was able to celebrate all weekend. We had a birthday party with my family last weekend and then Matt, Ethan and I celebrated Friday on his actual birthday. Saturday, Matt and Ethan went shopping for a couple of birthday presents and they went to see a Reggae concert that night. Our friend Joe is in a local Reggae band, so they went and enjoyed the music, I even got to hear one of my favorite songs via cell phone :) Sunday, we had Matt's family over to celebrate Ethan's birthday. So, he had a great weekend :)

Happy 4th Birthday Ethan!!

July 25, 2004, our miracle baby Ethan Riley was born! 2 lbs and 13 inches long at 11:18 a.m. We didn't realize that when that tiny little baby was born, we were venturing into a whole new world with our Ethan. We are continually amazed every day by him and by how much he has grown in the past 4 years! I've included some pictures from the last few years. Watch how he has grown compared to the bear, the chair (the cushion creases) and the preemie doll.

The day Ethan was born.

3 months old.

1 Year old!

19 months old!

33 months old!

4 years old!

GD Test Update

I know I felt all of your prayers and support today. Thank you for that. The test went well and I stayed pretty comfortable and strong the entire time. The first finger poke they did this morning had a good number, so I was really happy about that. I don't know how the actual blood draw results were, but I should know in the next couple of days. My veins barely held up, but they did. My left arm has awful veins, so they only drew from there once. My right arm has a nice bruise because I was poked 3 times there and the last two took quite some time to even get any blood. That was probably the worst part, I was worried they would not get any blood and would have to poke elsewhere, but eventually I put out enough for the test. I have heard about the drinks being awful and people nearly passing out during the test, but the drinks basically tasted like pop. The one hour tasted like orange pop and today it tasted like a flat pepsi, which I actually downed better than the first one. I never once felt dizzy or nauseous, so I am taking that as a good sign and why I also feel like I felt the prayers today.

It was tough to be up for almost 5 hours from beginning to end, but I took a nice nap this afternoon. I also had my sister order me Carside to Go at Applebees for my lunch, which was soooooo worth it :) I have been craving their hamburgers over the last few days. It was such a great lunch! I am thankful that Taia called it in and that my dad was willing to drive me there to pick it up after my test.

I'll let you all know what the results are as soon as I get them.

Mostly Good News Appointment!!

Well, we had mostly good news and one piece of semi-bad news today. I'll start with the good news :) We had an ultrasound and the baby looks really good, he is still measuring about a week ahead and weighs approximately 2 lbs 4 oz. So, he is already bigger than Ethan was when he was born :) He is still head down and his little feet are on my left side.

I asked them to do a cervical length check and we did that after the regular ultrasound and it looks like it is 3 cm, which is really good. It is bad when it gets under 2 cm, so the doctor was really happy with that and so were we!

I got the rhogam shot for my Rh Negative, so that is all done. It was pretty cold as it went in, which sort of hurt. I really hate all shots and they all feel painful to me.

Now for the bad news...I had my glucose test along with some other blood tests on Friday. The tests showed my blood sugar to be high, so I have to go back and have the 3 hour test this week. There are many reasons why I really don't want to have to do this test. I really worry about adding another risk to this pregnancy and yet another thing that puts me at higher risk for preeclampsia. I also worry about the risks it adds to my future health and the baby's future health. I am also not looking forward to having to sit in the very uncomfortable chairs for 3 hours and having my blood drawn 4 times. I have the worst veins, they collapse easily and are very hard to find. Another reason I really hate needles. So, that is a day I am really not looking forward to at all. I'll keep you updated on those results. I am asking for prayers that the test comes back negative for gestational diabetes.

Here are some pictures of the little guy in a couple of different ways :)

Here is my 26 week 5 day belly!

Isn't that such a loving look??

Here are two face pictures.

The second one looks as if he has a huge smile on his face!

The first one is of his two little feet together.

The last one is a nice profile picture.

What does she do all day??

I get that question a lot. After being on bedrest for nearly 13 weeks, people begin to wonder how I have survived it for that long. I'll share a little bit about my time over the past 13 weeks and hopefully, give you a little insight into the day of a lady stuck on bedrest!

At the beginning, it was really hard. I spent a lot of time watching t.v., on the computer and sleeping. It didn't help that I was in some pain for the first week after the surgery and then the pain from laying down all the time for the next couple of weeks. Eventually, I started reading books and have read the most books in a summer so far, since the summers I have spent in Italy. It has been nice to finally get through a book and not have it take a year or two.

Most days I end up taking a nap at some point, but I have been working hard to not take naps every day to help combat some of the headaches and promote a more peaceful sleep at night. In recent weeks, I have started getting back into my needle crafts. I had been working on a quilt for Ethan for the past 4 years and I finally finished it last weekend. My mom is going to put a backing on it for me, so that I can finally give it to him. I also ordered several cross stitch Christmas crafts that I will make and then donate to my church's holiday bazaar in November. I am almost done with the first one. I have been learning the art of online shopping and ordered those crafts along with a blanket for this baby. I'm going to alternate between the Christmas crafts and the blanket. The blanket has much bigger stitches, which are easier on my eyes and it is stamped cross stitch, which is easier on the brain :)

Every once in a while, I get to the point where I just want to work on some word puzzles. I have lots of variety puzzle books and I am just trying to work through them every once in awhile. It really depends on my mood. I really work hard to give myself a good variety, but I usually get stuck on doing one thing for a few days and then move to something else.

I had hoped to work on the scrapbooks, but that would have been if I had the time to gather that stuff together before I went on bedrest. Since bedrest started so early, I didn't have time to do that. I figure that if I get some of these other things done, I will take the time to organize myself after the baby comes and work on the pages as I can. I have all the stuff, but it is way too much work to tell Matt what I need and when, so it will be much easier for me to do it when I'm ready to.

My time on the computer has been spent playing some games and chatting with other women in high-risk pregnancies. It has been very helpful to me to know that I can get online and either get help for something that I need, or I can help someone else. I have two community boards online that I am a member of. At first, there was some skepticism on whether or not I should be involved in these boards, not on my part, but on others. But, as I have been telling the stories of some of the people I have met, I think everyone is starting to see how important this is to me. I have been able to help answer questions, using things that have happened with Ethan or even to me. It has been so great to be thanked by another mom for the help that I have given them.

It has become a support network for me, beyond all of our family and friends. These women are in the trenches with me. We are all going through the same roller coaster ride together. I can talk with others about the frustrations I have and I know they understand because they have the same frustrations. I can talk to them about the constant worries I have about this pregnancy and they will understand. It helps me to share these things with them, rather than cry because I feel like no one understands. It is so amazing that I can post a question, comment, or thought and within minutes I have several responses of advice, support or even just someone saying "it will be ok, I've been there too". Plus it helps me to not get anyone else worried about something, that is really just normal in pregnancy, by getting a question answered quickly enough that I don't get worried about it :) The best part is that I have read many stories of babies being born full-term after a cerclage, bedrest and preterm labor. It continually gives me hope that this pregnancy will end with a full-term birth!

The things that run through your mind during the day when all you have to do is think about taking care of this baby could make a person go mad. But, I have found that all of these little activities that I am doing to help me through this have kept me on the positive track. Like I said, having other women going through the same kinds of things has helped tremendously. Knowing that I am making a craft that I will donate has also been a really positive thing for me. It's all of those little things that make my day go faster and makes me stay positive and sane. I still have the difficult days, but a day here or there is better than having every day filled with negative thoughts and sleeping the day away.

I appreciate all of the positive little notes I get from all of you, whether it is a card, an email, or even a comment on the blog. It has helped to keep me going every day knowing that I have such supportive family and friends around us.

My California Uncles

My daddy has 4 brothers and all of them live in San Diego and my uncles have had a lot of stuff happening lately to them...

My Uncle Adam just got a new puppy named Hurley. I am so excited to see him someday. I love dogs and look forward to meeting my doggy cousin. Uncle Adam said he might be coming out to visit us soon, but I don't know if he'll be bringing Hurley. I will probably see him next summer when I visit San Diego.

My Uncle Alex and my Uncle Taylor graduated from High School this summer. I might even get to see them this year also. Grandpa Young said he might be able to bring them to Toledo when he comes out, but they will both be starting college this fall, so we'll have to see. Mommy said that when she first started dating Daddy, Uncle Alex and Uncle Taylor were about my age! I can't believe that!!

A couple of weeks ago, my Uncle Chris came from San Diego for a visit. He is 14 years old and we had fun playing outside on my toys. I really liked playing with him and I wanted him to stay a little longer. He was in town for his mom's family reunion, so he was only in Toledo for one night, before he had to go back to California. But, we still had a good time and I was really happy to see him :) Here is some video of Uncle Chris and I chasing each other. Mommy and Daddy couldn't believe he could fit on my tractor, it was hard, but he did it and we had a great time :)

We are in New Territory!!

Well, we made it....
We are finally past the time Ethan was born! As of 11:19 this morning, I am now officially pregnant longer than I was with Ethan. He was born at 11:18 am at 25 weeks 5 days and I am now 25 weeks and 5 days. So, we have made it past the biggest hurdle, which was to get past Ethan's birth point. We are all very excited to be here at this point and this little guy is doing a great job keeping calm and staying inside this nice little home I have made for him!

Thanks again for all of you who have gotten us this far! Let's make it another 10 weeks! I'm heading on the down slope and hoping for an easy way down. So far so good, so I can't complain too much. I'm past where I wanted to be, so hopefully, the rest will just be easy!

Our Labor and Delivery Trips (Don't Worry!)

Wow, the last two days we spent way too much time in the Labor and Delivery unit. Yesterday after a really good doctor's appointment, we had to go to the hospital to go get the first of 2 steroid shots for the little man's lungs. The doctor's office was out of the shot, and he wanted me to get it that day, so the hospital was the only choice. So, my sister took me and we were assured by the doctor that he was going to call to let them know we were on the way. When we got there we were told to sit in the hallway until they called us. After almost an hour it was our turn, then it was another half hour or so until they brought in the shot.

They told me to come back today to get the 2nd shot. I called this morning to find out what would be a good time to show up and get my shot in time. So, they told me 3:30. My sister and I got there just after and were again told to sit in the hallway until they called us. It got to 4:15 and Matt called to say he was on his way to get me and I told him that we were not even in there to get the shot yet. So, he got there and we waited for another 1/2 hour, at that point we were in the hallway for an hour and a half. So, I sent Matt in to see what was going on. He came out with nurse that apologized and said she was told we were out there, but she had forgotten!!! A women on bedrest sitting in the incredibly uncomfortable chairs/couches, who was forgotten. Not an easy task.

So we finally got in and it was another hour before the shot came. They also decided to put me on a monitor this time (results were all good), even though I told them that they didn't do it yesterday. My doctor was on call and when the nurse asked him how long he wanted me monitored, he said, who told you to monitor her, just give her the shot and send her home.

After 2 1/2 hours, they finally came in with the shot and we were able to go home. We didn't even get home until 7:30. Last night after being out and about for 5 hours, I ended up having a lot of braxton hicks contractions, thankfully none of them were timable. I'm thinking that it was because I was forced to sit up a lot of that time and I cannot usually go for more than an hour. I've had a few tonight already and I'm hoping I don't spend 2 hours up tonight like I did last night.

Even with all of that frustration, I think the most difficult thing was being on that floor of the hospital. Matt and I spent nearly 4 months on that floor the last time I was pregnant. I was there 3 weeks and Ethan was there 3 months. Sitting in the hallway, we were in the pathway to the new NICU at the hospital. The hardest part today was seeing so many new moms being wheeled to and from the NICU. I remember that ride and I remember being so scared to see my tiny little baby struggling. It comes back so fast when you see these moms with such long faces. Yesterday, the families seemed to have been there for some time. Today, however, most of them were brand new parents heading to the NICU. I teared up quite a few times.

The other thing that was hard to see was a mom that was walking the hallway trying to speed up her labor. It hit me that I never got to do that and I am praying that I get to this time. Again, it was a hard thing to see. It is a weird thing to be 25 weeks pregnant and watching people who have had a baby too early and to see the full-term moms getting ready to deliver. I still have so long to go until I am full-term, but I may not have so long to go if I end up going early like the other moms. It really put me into a whole swing of emotions to spend so much time on that floor. It brought back too many memories, but also gave me another reason as to why I am sitting here on bedrest. I want to be the mom that gets to walk the hallway, I don't want to be the mom being wheeled to the NICU to see my fragile baby.

No matter how you put it, this is a difficult pregnancy and to deal with these types of emotions can be so draining. It is so hard knowing the realities of this pregnancy. I actually had to get the steroids because this baby could come at anytime. He could be born in a few days, a few weeks or hopefully a few months. It is so up in the air and that can be draining. It is like we have to be prepared for the worst and hope for the best. I realized that the doctor's goal is less than 3 weeks from now. I'm not sure I am ready to have a baby in 3 weeks, even though this is getting exhausting to lay here, but I'm really hoping to go at least 11 more weeks. On Tuesday, I will officially be on the down slope, because I will have less time to go on bedrest than I have already been on, if I want to get to 36 weeks, which has now become my goal. Tuesday, I will be on for 12 weeks and only have 10 more to go. I know I can do it, but can this baby ?? We hope and pray for that.

Thanks again for all of the support and prayers, we really would not be this far without all of you!

We love summertime!

First, a quick update on me...Not what I would call summer fun, but I am better since the UTI, so that has helped. I have had a lot of headaches and backpain lately, but I am going to ask the doctor about it on Wed. I want to make sure the backpain isn't beginning labor and I want to make sure the headaches are not a sign of something more like preeclampsia. The contractions I have had lately seem to be Braxton Hicks, another thing I will ask about to make sure of what all I need to be looking for. But, otherwise I have been feeling pretty good and the baby seems to be growing as my belly is getting bigger and bigger all the time. On Tuesday, I will be 25 weeks, which is a huge week for us :) We look forward to next Tuesday!

I have a couple of pictures to share of Ethan. He has been having a lot of fun with the nice weather we had over the past few days and we got some good pictures of him.

Having fun enjoying the sandbox. He decided to make a cheesy face for me :)

Is it warm enough??

Stopping to pose for the camera!

A cool shot at sunset.

July 3, 2004

A day we will probably never forget...I have been somewhat emotional today and I couldn't figure out why until a few minutes ago. It hit me what today is. I know, I know it is not the 3rd, but July 2, was the silent beginning of what happened on July 3.

I remember going over to my sister Mary's house to help her prepare for the first night of our family reunion at her house. I was having some little aches and pains that I thought were normal pregnancy stretching. Little did I know that those little symptoms would change our lives forever. All through that night, the pains continued and did not go away, again I thought that they were normal pregnancy symptoms, there were no huge signs to tell me that it wasn't normal. I was only 22 weeks, nothing could have been wrong, right??

July 3rd came after very little sleep on my part. We got up and headed to Wauseon for the 2nd day of the family reunion. I was still uncomfortable and didn't understand what I was feeling. Being my first pregnancy, I just kept to myself and didn't think to ask anyone about it, because I still thought it was normal. I had a great time, until just before dinner, when more symptoms quickly appeared. In that moment, everything went fuzzy and all I could do was go in search of Matt. I was crying and I vaguely remember my brother-in-law Dan calling my name, but my brain just said "find Matt". I never thought that running to find him could make things worse. Before I knew it, my sisters and mom had gathered and found me. Then we were on our way to the hospital, which thankfully, one of my cousins worked at. She made sure I got in ok.

After all of the necessary tests and checks, it was determined that I was in labor and that I needed to be transferred back to Toledo. That is where we heard the words, "if he is born tonight, he will not make it". We headed into one of the scariest nights of our lives...It seemed like it would never end and that the labor would never stop. I remember my family staying really late and a couple of my sisters making sure that Matt and I were ok. Mary came in to check on me and Erika and Tom made sure Matt got some food to eat.

The 4th of July, wasn't any better. I woke up in the morning to find out that I had stopped contracting and that I was going into surgery to try and save this baby. The rest of the day was basically a blur, since I was on a lot of pain medications and very nauseous. I remember lots of family being there and I can remember people talking, but I have no clue who exactly was there and what they were saying. By dark, I was finally starting to come out of some of the blurry feeling and Matt opened up the shades enough for me to catch just a few fireworks over the trees.

Our world was turned upside down with that weekend and we will never forget what we got out of it. Ethan, our special little miracle. The series of events that took place over the next 3 weeks led to Ethan being born and leading us down a path that we never expected, but would never change.

This is the most difficult 4th of July weekend since that weekend, only because the memories are so strong being that I am pregnant. The blessing in all of this is that I am 2 weeks further than I was then, which means so much to me. Lately, things just sometimes pop into my head, whether it is a dream or just a normal thought about this baby coming too soon. I am looking forward to getting through this weekend and then getting through next week (week 25, Ethan's birth week). I'm just glad that this time there are not 3 weeks in between, I can just get it all done in one week.

As I lay here waiting for this baby to be born, I can't help but be thankful for all that we have been given. Ethan is a miracle and he amazes us each and every day. We never expected the turn our life would take that weekend and we now know not to take anything for granted. The last 10 weeks have been such a blessing. We have been given 10 more weeks with this baby and hopefully, 10 more! I wish I could say that this will be an easy couple of weeks for me, but the further I get, the more scared I am that I will have to go through what I did with Ethan. I am working hard to stay positive and keep myself busy, so that I don't get myself upset.

I guess it is normal for me to sometimes feel a little upset. I have a feeling that I will have more days of feeling a little emotional. The great thing in all of this is that even though I start out with a little bit of a scared feeling, I look down and I see my growing belly or I feel a kick and I begin to smile. I'm scared, but I couldn't be happier that I am taking this pregnancy as far as I possibly can! Every kick reminds me that it's ok to feel scared for this tiny little human that is inside of me and is my son. I never want him to go through what Ethan did. We can't watch that again and we are going to everything we can not to.

I know this 4th of July weekend will be hard, but it is also a blessing and a reminder of where we have been and where we are going.