Just a little kick...

Just a little kick means the world right now! I find it amazing that when you are trying so hard to keep a life going how the littlest things take away all of the stress, if only for a few minutes. Today, my little tiny baby has been moving and kicking like crazy. I wish Matt and Ethan could feel it, because it is so comforting to me right now. It is the same feeling I get every time we get to hear the heartbeat, a huge weight is lifted off of me. These little kicks today and everyday give me that huge reason to keep up with what I'm doing. It is as if everytime I am feeling a little depressed that I can't do the things that I want to do or that Ethan wants me to do, this little one says "Hey! Mommy, I'm here, I want to see you some day, so keep me here". Everyday that I lie here is one less day until I can see this little one that reminds me of its life everyday! I can't say this is easy, it really isn't, as much as some of you may say you would trade places, you really don't want this. My body hurts, my head hurts, my heart breaks everytime I have to say "mommy can't do that" and everytime Matt and Ethan leave the house without me and do the things I wish I could be doing. But, that little kick keeps me going and pushes me through each of those negative and sad things. It makes me smile rather than cry. Now, if only it would kick in all of my waking hours...

19th Week Update

Things went well at the appointment on Wednesday. We heard the heartbeat and we even got to hear my heartbeat, because the baby was close to where my pulse was. It was interesting how different the two sounded. Again, all was well with the baby and my blood pressure was still good. I had a few questions about some things that I have been feeling lately and he said they were all normal or things he was not worried about. I also found out that I can do some leg lifts to help stretch out my muscles in hopes that they won't feel as tight as they have been. The key will be no gravity involved, since that is pretty much my enemy right now. The doctor said that I am in the crucial stage right now. Usually, people that have IC have problems between 18-24 weeks. I'm 19 weeks right now, so I am at the beginning of that.

I went into labor the first time with Ethan at 22 weeks, and that is only 3 weeks away. So, we really want to make it past that point and then the next goal will be to get past Ethan's birth week of 25 weeks. I will have to take it especially easy over the next couple of weeks and then once we get past the next 6 weeks, it will literally be every week I can get in the hopes of making it to somewhere in the 30's. I'm pretty sure we are looking at a September baby if all goes as planned over the next several weeks. We are fine with a September baby as long as we make it past the most critical time healthwise.

The baby has been moving like crazy. I have really noticed a lot of movement lately, which really helps my days go better. I make sure I talk to the baby and I even have Ethan saying hi and he likes to give kisses to the baby. We actually saw our friends' baby after the appointment, he was born about 5 weeks ago and Ethan really liked seeing him. It has helped us with showing him what will happen over the next few months. He was able to see Anne's tummy grow and then he was able to see the baby that we have talked to him about. I figure that anything we can do to prepare him will help him with the changes a little more. I know it will still be a shock to him, but maybe it won't be so big.

I go back to the doctor on June 11 and we have the 20 week ultrasound right before it. We'll hopefully be able to see if it is a boy or a girl at that time. We are looking forward to it and at that point I will be 21 weeks, so hopefully, they will be able to see if anything is changing with me during the ultrasound, which hopefully it isn't.

My Memorial Day Weekend

Memorial Day weekend had its good and bad points for me this weekend. I had a lot of fun playing outside because it was so warm out, I even got to wear some shorts. On Sunday, I started getting sick, but I was so excited because I was going to a Mud Hens game with daddy. I was especially excited to see the fireworks after the game. I didn't take a nap because my grandma Young and my great-grandpa Berning were at my house for lunch/dinner. I started to get really sick, but I still wanted to go to the game. I had a really good time and the fireworks were very loud and scared me, but I didn't cry like I did last year. When I came home, all I wanted to do was go to bed, but that didn't last long, because I kept waking up because I couldn't breathe. I finally got some sleep when I slept with mommy downstairs. I ended up having to stay home from school on Tuesday because I was still pretty sick. My cousin Alex came over to help mommy take care of me and that was fun because I love seeing Alex. I had a fun weekend even though I was sick.

I learned to pedal my bike a few weeks ago and I learned to pedal my tractor this past weekend. I love driving my car, riding my bike and now riding my tractor. I wanted to show you how good I am at driving and riding on all of those things. There is also some video of me helping daddy sweep off the patio in the backyard. It's a pretty short video, so have fun watching.

Mommy goes to the doctor today, so she'll let you all know how it goes tomorrow.

Make video montages at www.OneTrueMedia.com

Thank You!

We wanted to thank all of you that donated to the March of Dimes through our March for Babies Team. You have helped to save babies. We all know how much it helped Ethan to have so much research nearly 4 years ago and in the last 4 years our team has raised around $10,000! We have helped the research to improve enough to also help us with this pregnancy. Progesterone is fairly new in helping moms to keep from going into labor too early and I am now able to use that. There have also been great strides in how premature infants are being taken care of, which we are seeing now in the new NICU at the Toledo Hospital that opened earlier this year. We thank you for all of the donations that have helped babies like Ethan and all babies! We have made a little video of some of the pictures from the day of the walk. It was a beautiful day for my family and for all of the other walkers. Thanks again!

Make video montages at www.OneTrueMedia.com

Some more good news!

I went to see the pulmonologist today for my follow-up on my sleep apnea and it went well. They have a little card that is inserted in my C-PAP machine and it records my breathing patterns while sleeping. They took the little card out and downloaded the information and the doctor was able to show me how I have been doing over the last couple of months since my sleep study. He told me that the amount of times that I am having respriatory distress has gone down dramatically and that it is now normal. He also said that the number of hours of sleep is good also. And I loved this part...He said "You are doing good by your baby"! I was so happy to hear that because I was worried that I could still be having some problems and it was so good to hear that I wasn't. I even use it when I take naps because I have noticed how much worse I feel if I don't use it.

I am still at risk for preeclampsia, because sleep apnea can cause high blood pressure, especially in pregnancy. So far, my blood pressure has been good. I make sure I always ask the nurses if it is ok because I know it is just another risk added to my long list. I am lucky that I normally have a pretty low blood pressure (of course Matt says that my blood doesn't flow, since I am always cold), because I think it is helping it not to spike now. I never had problems with HBP with Ethan in the time I was pregnant, so I'm hoping that it will stay that way with this one.

I have been feeling the baby moving a lot more now that it has grown. I've been trying to see what I hear with the stethoscope that we use on Ethan for his asthma. It has been fun to try, even if I don't hear anything, although I think I heard a swish that may have been the baby.

A quick update on Ethan and his health...He has been off of his daily asthma medication since the end of April and so far, so good. We are realizing that pollen and all of the other fun allergy stuff flying around right now, don't seem to trigger his attacks. He was off his meds all summer last year and did very well. I think it is more cold induced. As long as he is healthy and he does not let cold air in, he does well. We are going to test his reflux in about a week and a half. We are going to try stopping his reflux medicine to see if he still has it. They said we will see signs of it within a month if he still has it. It will be nice to go down to no meds for him, even for a little while. He finishes his first year of preschool on June 4. We have an IEP meeting on him that afternoon and I'm hoping I can go to that since I understand the language of an IEP. They are usually quick and the teacher is aware of my situation, so I think it should be ok, as long as things are still good for me. He will be back at the same preschool next year and we are really excited about that, because then he will transition to kindergarten at the same school the next year.

I'll probably do another post with some pictures from March for Babies in the next couple of days. I'm working on putting that together for everyone to see :)

My first carnival!

I went to my first preschool carnival on Saturday with my Daddy! It was a lot of fun. Grandma Young stopped by for a little bit too. I wanted to share some pictures of the fun I had while I was there. I also want to show you some of the pictures that I drew for mommy and daddy. I hope that you like these pictures!

I got my face painted...

I got to go into a police car and an ambulance...

I even tried a tricycle maze and played on the playground!

Here are some pictures I made for mommy and daddy...

17 Weeks!

Well, we had some more good news today. Things are still going well. We heard the baby's heartbeat, which was off course very comforting for both Matt and I. We have agreed that this baby is definitely not like Ethan was when he was in the womb. Ethan would swim away so that we could not hear the heartbeat and if the nurse would get his heartbeat, he would very quickly kick right where they were listening so they could not get enough of it. This baby has let us hear its heartbeat every time we have gone in or had it checked at the hospital when I was there for the surgery. We are hoping that leads into a very different outcome this time :) Maybe this one will want to stay inside of me.

I had some things that I was worried about over the weekend, but he said that it was probably just stretching since I grew in the past two weeks. He said that the growth was good. I noticed the other day that I had popped out quite a bit. It is weird for me to see a belly already, when with Ethan I only started to show a couple of weeks before he was born. It is fun to watch it grow, since I really did not get to see that with Ethan.

I go back to see the doctor on May 28. He has me on a every two weeks schedule right now. I think it will stay that way as long as things go well. I should have my 20 week ultrasound in the first or second week of June and we will hopefully find out what the baby is :)

I will not be going back to work. It would be too much of a risk at this point. I've gone this far and I have been able to get another 3 weeks in, so since it is working we will keep up with it. I started progesterone last week, so he said that will be helpful to have to keep the uterus calm. I take it daily and will for the duration of the pregnancy.

The doctor said that the smallest goal to make is another 14 weeks and since I am 17 weeks today, I would be about 31 weeks. Then we will probably go week by week after that. The ultimate goal would be 36 weeks, because anytime after that would be safe enough. Right now, another 3 weeks will get me to the halfway point, so that is my next goal.

Thanks again for all of your prayers and support it is being felt every day!

Bed Rest Thoughts

I am going to preface this post by saying, these are my thoughts and my feelings, let me share them with you. I just feel I need to share my thoughts and what keeps me going and some of the things that run through my mind on a daily basis, because of what I am dealing with. I know it is hard to understand fully what I must be going through if you have not been there yourself, so I hope this may help all of the people supporting us to understand a little better.

After my news that I may go back to work, I had a lot of very concerned people question the idea. Here is my response...At this point, where I am in the pregnancy good news is good news, any good news. It did not necessarily mean I would go back to work, I am still going to make the best decision for my baby, but I need the good news to keep me going. With a pregnancy with so many negatives and so many risks, every little piece of good news outweighs any of the negative considerably. I thrive off of the good news right now. I know everyone is worried, but let me have the positive thoughts even if they don't mean anything in the end. It means something that day.

So, to help me explain, I am going to use two books that I have found to be helpful to me especially recently. Here are the citations and below are some pieces from both books.

Deborah, L. et.al. Parenting Your Premature Baby and Child. Golden: Fulcrum Pub, 2004.

Eisenberg, Arlene et.al. What to Expect When You're Expecting. New York: Workman Pub, 1991.

"Entirely unlike "rest," bed rest is very difficult work for both parents. The mother must work at maintaining a troubled pregnancy. The lack of activity can lead to her physical debilitation. The father must take on most of the mother's day-to-day physical tasks, in addition to his own responsibilities..." (Deborah, 2004)

"Another challenge of bed rest is that you view the passage of time differently. Instead of simply waiting for the requisite forty weeks to pass, you begin to count with urgency not weeks, but days, and after the administration of antenatal steroids, hours. You begin to envision your baby's growth during each week of gestation with a new urgency...Instead of gradual preparation for childbirth, you face the threat of imminent delivery. Instead of receiving reassurances, you get furrowed brows and endless warnings to lie down. Questions you might have asked before out of simple curiosity take on a new intensity, and the answers you receive often are not definitive." (Deborah, 2004)

"Bed rest gives you a lot of time to be alone with your thoughts and fears. Even if you try to keep your hopes up, your worries loom large, multiply, and grow more palpable. You may go from hoping that your baby will be cute and easygoing to hoping that your baby will stay alive. And you face the terrible realization that there is so much that cannot be predicted and more that cannot be controlled." (Deborah, 2004)

"While other parents are excitedly preparing for the birth of their baby at the end of nine months, high-risk parents may just be hoping that the fetus they are nurturing will still be alive tomorrow." (Eisenberg, 1991)

"A woman who can't have a "normal" pregnancy may consider herself somehow lacking." (Eisenberg, 1991)

"The high-risk expectant parent often has to keep her pregnancy and its requirments in mind every moment of every day; she'll need to pause almost constantly to ask herself "Can I do this? Is that allowed?" (Eisenberg, 1991)

I hope you understand a little better about what both Matt and I are going through on a daily basis, especially me. It has been so helpful knowing we have so many people to support us and that is why I wanted to share this with you, to give you a little insight into our minds :) I promise, I will make the next post a little less depressing :) I have some ideas that will make you smile.

Good News Today!

Well, we had some good news at the appointment today. The prayers all of you have been saying were with us at the doctor's office. He asked some questions, checked my belly, and listened to the heartbeat and said that all of it sounded good. He did not do a physical check because he did not want to agitate anything, which is fine with me. Things have been stable so far, so we want to keep it that way. I will go onto the progesterone starting next week, once I hit 16 weeks. That will help keep the uterus calm, which will keep me from dilating. I will stay on bedrest until the next appointment and at that time we will make a decision about whether or not I can go back to work.

He basically said that if things continue to go as well as they have, I may be able to go to work and finish the year. Matt and I are ok either way. We figured that if I'm off the rest of the time, that will be fine, but if I can go back and close out my room and say goodbye to the kids, that would be nice too. I know not to push anything, so I'll practice a little with standing and walking on the weekend and Monday before my appointment to see how it goes, so that I can tell him what happened. I know my body pretty well and I know when it is ok to push along and when it is not. We will work with whatever is decided, but at this point it looks pretty good, which really eases both of us.

He also said that the surgeon that performed the cerclage placement is the best and he also said that none of the women that have had that surgeon's cerclage have dilated with it in. That really gave me hope that if I take things easy and I don't push myself, I may make it the whole way. Whether or not I go back to work for the last couple of weeks does not affect the bedrest for the rest of the pregnancy. My problem will really settle in the first weeks of June, after my 20th week, which is about the time that the babies get too heavy for people with my particular issue. So, I will still have bedrest until I deliver. But, it will be nice if full bedrest does not have to start until then. Matt and I figured that I really don't have much time at school, so it would be easier. It would only be about 1 1/2 weeks until the kids go to camp (no I'm not going) and then it is the end of year activites and I'm out. So it really would not be too bad. I go back to the doctor May 13 and I'll let you know more then, providing nothing else comes up in the next 12 days. I will try to give another update on how things are going by the end of next week. But, I'll know more specifics after the appointment.

Thanks again for all of you prayers.