Rain, Fireworks and Toilet Paper

Rain - Ethan LOVES to play outside. I can't express in words how much, he just loves it. We have had rain everyday for the past week and it has been very frustrating to the little boy, whose biggest happiness comes from being outside. Luckily, most of the rains have been short enough that he can play outside in between storms, but some of the days it has been rough and we get "I want to have to go outside and play" on a constant basis. We have to continually remind him that it is raining and everything is wet. He wanted to be outside so much on Sunday morning, that he stayed out riding his bike even though a light rain had started. Matt noticed it was raining and called him back in and Ethan was still all smiles even though he was a little wet :)

Fireworks - Our child is obsessed with fireworks! Last summer he was obsessed, even though the noise still scared him and we thought he would not be as obsessed about it this year. Not the case! On Saturday night some people in the neighborhood were doing fireworks, which of course did not allow Ethan to get to bed on time, so he wanted to watch them. Since then, the talk has only been about fireworks. "We gonna see some fireworks at our house??" Last night Matt mentioned that Holland was having their fireworks that night, so we made plans to get Ethan to that. Matt's brother Chris was here from San Diego, so we decided that the four of us would make a quick trip to the fireworks. So that you know we made a safe decision for me, we were only going about 2 minutes down the road and I was going to lay down in the car to watch the fireworks.

We left a little before 10 and stopped at the Kroger near our house to watch the fireworks. It was perfect because I layed down in the car, while the other 3 got out and stood in the lot to watch. We were done within about 20 minutes and back home. We've learned not to go all the way to the park with Ethan, at least not yet. He still does not enjoy the sound as much, so some distance is good! But, now all morning I have heard, "we gonna see some fireworks at our house?" I have to constantly remind him that it needs to be dark and we may not even see any then. I wish I could say that this will end after this week is over, but I know that it will continue through the summer. We are on constant watch for when Ethan can catch some fireworks, even if they are little ones in the neighborhood :)

Toilet Paper - This is just a cute Ethan story. This morning, I noticed that my bathroom was just about out of toilet paper and the only other toilet paper in the house was upstairs in Matt's bathroom. Since, I can't go upstairs (I can if I have to, but I feel right now it is way too risky, so I don't) I sent Ethan up to get some. So I told him to go to the closet with his towels and bring down some toilet paper. He said "ok!" and ran upstairs, a couple minutes later he came down with a towel. So, I sent him back up after he called daddy to get better details as to where the toilet paper was. He came back down with some wipes. On the third try, with some more details and simpler direction, he came back down with a wad of toilet paper that he took off Matt's roll :) I just laughed and he said "I have toilet paper". I said your right, let's take a break and eat some breakfast and try again later.

After breakfast, we tried again. I sent him up after reminding him of the details and he didn't come back down this time, instead he got side tracked and was playing with the doors upstairs. After a couple more tries, he came back down with another towel. This time, I got really clear about what to do and he finally came back down with one roll of toilet paper! I told him he did a good job and he just lit up! It was so funny. He tries so hard to help his mama. I have to admit that right before that last time, I was going to just say forget it and head up myself, so I'm glad he found it for me :)

Funder and Lightening

We have had a lot of "funder" and lightening lately in our house and that doesn't just include storms. We've had a pretty crazy week with a lot going on. The real rain storms we have had have been somewhat annoying because they just creep up on us and last for a few minutes and then are gone. It has been hard for Ethan when he can't play outside as much as he would like.

Last night we all woke up with the thunder and lightening that was going on in the middle of the night. Before I knew it, both Matt and Ethan were downstairs and I could hear Ethan call me. Matt was trying to turn off the motion light outside that was going nuts with all of the wind and of course Ethan did not want to be left alone upstairs. He ended up crawling into my bed until the storm passed. He discussed how everyone must be scared about the funder. This morning, he came down to my room around 7 and told me that Doggy (his stuffed dalmation) was scared of the funder last night. I think it is cute that he feels better about being scared if he knows others are scared also.

Yesterday we got the news that I had a bladder infection. Not the greatest news, but manageable. It has made things pretty uncomfortable lately. We found out a couple of hours before we needed to go to my grandmothers visitation at the funeral home. My grandmother passed away on Monday, and I didn't feel like I could miss the visitation and funeral. We went to the visitation for a little bit last night and attended only the service today.

Being out really showed me how important this bedrest is, but at the same time it showed me how much weaker I am getting physically. After having to go to the lab yesterday morning and then having the visitation in the evening, I was completely exhausted. I was still feeling some of the effects today, but we still went to the service anyway. I'm feeling ok now. I have been laying down all afternoon and I haven't really even sat up much at all. The antibiotics are kicking in which is making things a little better. I'm just going to take it really easy over the next several days, I know that's hard for me to do, since I do it every day, but I will be extra cautious.

While, it has been a rough couple of days, we have had some good news in all of this. Last night Matt was able to feel the baby kicking and he has been a little rascal ever since. He has been kicking like crazy. This morning, I took a nap with my hips raised to help relieve some of the pressure from sitting yesterday and he did not like that. He kicked me all over, almost like he was saying "mom, I'm sleeping, what are you doing to me". But, he moved up and I felt less pressure when I got up. So, we know he has a lot of spunk, very much like his big brother :) We are so curious to know what his personality is going to be like. Of course, we are willing to wait a few more months to find out :)

Enjoy your weekend!

Updates on Ethan and baby!

We'll start with the baby and my appointment today. All looks good again, and he was happy to see my belly growth. I asked him a lot of questions about some things I had been feeling lately and he said that it is ok as long as nothing is long-lasting. I am going to be checked for a UTI to make sure I don't get a bladder infection that could put me into labor. The urine test came out ok at the office, but he said that some of my symptoms would be better to have tested than to let them go. I'll have to go back tomorrow to do that, since I did not have the right paperwork and the lab was closing. Hopefully, it will all be good and still be negative.

I will probably get the steroid shots in the 27th week as a precaution in case I go into labor early. He'll do it earlier if symptoms call for it to be earlier. He also said that I should come in at any point if I am feeling like something isn't right or even just call to make sure things are ok. That made me feel good to hear, sometimes I feel like I would be a bother, but it is good to know he wants me to if necessary. He also told me that a cerclage patient just went into labor at 37 weeks!! I was so happy to hear that, it makes me feel good to know that I have a chance to go that long.

He said that based on all I said I'm doing, that I am doing things right. He said it is common sense and that is what I'm using!! So, I felt pretty good about the appointment.

As for Ethan, he had an eye exam today. He has not been able to fully pass the exam, so we had one again today to see how he has done in the past few months. Matt took him and we did not get any final answers. He seems to be using both eyes well, although it looks like he may be favoring one over the other. So, we go back in 6 months and if it still comes out the same or worse we may have to do some eye patching to help correct his eyes. Not a terrible prognosis, we were just hoping that maybe it would be a clearer answer this time. They did say it is hard with preemies because they need a lot longer to mature, so that made it a little easier to know that it is ok not to have a clear prognosis right now. Of course it doesn't help that lazy eyes are in my family and that a lot of family members between Matt and I need glasses. So, it would not be shocking if he would have eye issues. Like I said, we could have had worse news and we didn't. It just shows what a true miracle he really is and that we can deal with these little things that come our way, because we know it could have been worse.

So, we had some overall good news today! We look forward to more good news in the weeks to come, even though I am going to be a nervous wreck. At this point, I am so happy for every day that I get in and then every week I get. It all means so much to the health of this baby and to my own mind. I get excited by every day I make it through and every Tuesday when I start my new week I get really, really excited! Next week is a good week for viability. I really want to make it into the 24th week and obviously beyond.

We'll keep you updated.

My 3 am Visitor!

Last night I woke up after only about an hour and a half of sleeping and I could not get back to sleep. I tossed and turned from about 1:30 until a little after 2. I finally turned the tv on so that I could get something else on my mind and at about 2:45 I heard some little cries through the monitor.

Of course, I felt like I couldn't do anything about it, but then he stopped crying and settled down, or so I thought! A couple of minutes later I thought I heard something on the stairs and I told myself to look at my doorway. And guess who was there? Ethan, our little ninja! We've started calling him that because he seems to just appear out of no where sometimes.

I asked him what he was doing and he said "I'm waking up" and I said, "I guess you can't sleep either." Then he requested some milk, which sounded good to me also. So we got milk and settled into my bed for the night. It was nice because both of us fell asleep within a few minutes. I guess we both just needed to be near each other :) I love when he feels he needs his mommy!

Of course, when Matt got up, he had no idea what had transpired in the night. He saw Ethan's bed empty and eventually found him downstairs in the bed with me! He didn't get to hear the whole story until I called him after we woke up!

We Are Provided For...

Since I am on bed rest, I am unable to attend church, so I have been receiving the church bulletin the last few weeks with the lessons in it. It is a hard thing for me to not go to church, because I have always gone and I always feel bad when I can't go. I also feel strongly that Ethan would not have been here had it not been for our faith in God and all of the prayers that were lifted up for him. I also strongly feel that I would not be this far into the pregnancy if I did not have faith that God would take care of this little one also. It was obviously God's plan for me to continue with this pregnancy and whatever comes with it, just as it would have been his plan to take this little boy to heaven with him 9 weeks ago.

I was reading the Gospel lesson from yesterday and found the words to be very true...

Matthew 6:31-34 says:
Therefore do no worry, saying, "What will we eat?" or "What will we drink?" or "What will we wear?" For it is the Gentiles who strive for all these things; and indeed your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things. But strive first for the kingdome of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. So do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring worries of its own. Today's trouble is enough for today.

There are so many levels to this set of verses, but I'll talk about two that I got from it. The first being the very last sentence. I have tried to face this pregnancy only thinking about today and the positive parts of the future. I have really tried to not worry too much about what the future of this pregnancy will bring. It is hard, especially when you are alone most of the day and your brain starts to think, but I try everyday to remember not to worry and this verse reminded me of that yesterday.

The second thing I got from it is that God will provide for you. Matt and I knew going into this pregnancy that we were going to face me having to go unpaid at some point, we just didn't think it would happen so early. We learned from the last time that we would be provided for during the difficult financial times, but that we also had to have faith for this to happen. And boy have we been provided for...

My focus is on the question "What will we eat?" - We have meals delivered about 3 times a week to us. We get meals from family, friends and our church members. The staff at the school I work at collected money and provided us with 12 frozen dinners that we can pull out on our nights that we don't have a dinner delivered. We are seriously never hungry. We sometimes, have too much to eat! It was funny because yesterday Matt and Ethan went to church and then to the church picnic and we knew Matt was picking up a dinner from one of the church members this week, but we didn't expect what we received.

Our moms had two of the meals this week and they really provided us with complete meals that will feed us for days, so our refrigerator was already pretty full. Matt called me from the picnic and said, "well we have a tin of some of the food from the picnic, the dinner we were expecting, a huge loaf of bread and Ethan and I won a cake in the cake walk". I just laughed, because we were just talking about how much we already had in our refrigerator and on top of that we already had 2 cakes in the fridge (my mom made a strawberry cake, and Matt's grandpa made a pineapple upside down cake). We have certainly not had to worry about "What will we eat?"

Thanks to so many people, especially my sister Taia, who coordinates the food calendar and to my pastor, who coordinates the church members, we have been well provided for and we appreciate it! I sometimes feel like we are in the story of Jesus providing for 5000 with only 2 fish and 5 loaves of bread. It seems as though the food comes in and multiplies in our refrigerator and gives us enough for dinner and lunch.

This baby is getting all of the vitamins and nutrients he needs to continue growing and we are thankful. We have enjoyed the conversations with friends and family as they drop off or even join us for the dinner. We have learned about some foods that we have never tried before and would like to try again in the future (when I can actually cook again someday). We appreciate it all and thank everyone involved in helping us not to worry so much about the future, and sometimes not even about today!

22 weeks and 3 days!

Well, this was a big goal! I started labor with Ethan at about 22 weeks 3 days, so I am happy to be here with no signs of labor. I'm a lot better off this time than I was the last time. I know what is wrong with my body, whereas at that time I thought I was having a normal pregnancy and I was still living a normal life. This time I know what is going on, I have my cerclage in and I have been on bedrest for 8 1/2 weeks! Can you believe it?? It has been just over 2 months.

My little guy has been moving like crazy, which has really helped me to keep going. He makes me so happy everytime he moves. When he is active, he is very active. It reminds me of how Ethan was. Hopefully, Matt and Ethan will be able to feel him soon. Matt was able to see my belly jump a little with some of the kicks a couple of nights ago.

I think I have been doing a lot of stretching this week because my bones have been hurting, my back has been hurting, especially the sciadic nerve and I have had definite stretch feelings. All good signs of the baby's growth. I have been dealing with a lot more bedrest-type pain, which has been really frustrating, but I have been enjoying my belly getting bigger.

I was just thinking about how so many women do nothing but complain during pregnancy and they can't really find much that they enjoyed during pregnancy, but maybe it is because they never experienced a loss of a pregnancy or even a near-loss. I enjoyed every moment of my pregnancy with Ethan, which is why I also mourned the early loss of the pregnancy for so long afterwards (a couple of years). I am again enjoying every moment, because I lost the chance to get big and uncomfortable with Ethan. What I don't enjoy is the pain of bedrest.

I just told Matt that I have no complaints of it being harder for me to get up now, the size of my belly or even the fact that I have the pregnancy walk. I love each of those things and am so happy I am finally experiencing it, I've waited four years for this and I love it. I just wish that I could experience all of it in the normal way. If I didn't have bedrest, I would feel so much better! I don't like crying in pain because I can't walk due to my legs being so sore or because my sciadic is pinched. I know some things would still be there in a normal pregnancy, but at least I could walk off some of the pain and stretch my muscles out. I can't do that right now, all I have are the little tiny walks to the bathroom and kitchen and my little stretching exercises.

My next appointment will be next Thursday, the 26th. We also have an eye appointment for Ethan early that morning. Ethan did not pass the last eye exam because he had not had a nap and was not cooperating, so we hope this time he does a lot better and won't need glasses. Hopefully, he has daddy's vision and not mommy's! We said we'll save a lot of money if he has daddy's vision and mommy's teeth (I never needed braces and have had very few cavities). So far, his teeth are good!

I just had to share this picture of Ethan that Grandma Young took last night when he stayed the night there. It is just too cute!

Silly Ethan with some ATTITUDE!

I thought I would do a fun Ethan post....

These pictures are of him playing with the goggles that came in his Home Depot tool chest. He just thought he was so cool and let's admit it, he is. He actually rode his bike outside one day with the goggles hanging off his chin like in the picture.

Ethan has been showing his almost 4 year old attitude lately...On Sunday, Matt, Ethan and I were all sitting and talking and Ethan was sitting on Matt's lap and trying to tell me something and everytime he tried to talk, Matt would bounce him and tickle him, which then made Ethan laugh. After several times of this happening, Ethan finally turned to Matt and pointed his finger at him and said "STOP! I'm talking to Mama!" Of course, all Matt and I could do was just laugh at him because he was so serious about it.

On Monday, I was taking my shower and I realized I didn't have Ethan sit on the potty (yes, we are still trying to work on pooping in the potty) and I thought he might go in his pants while I was showering. So, I called him into the bathroom and finally after several tries, he came in and I asked him to go get his potty chair and bring it into the bathroom, which he said no to. So, I asked him again, to which I got another no and the next time I was more firm and said "Ethan, go get your potty and bring it in here now please." The next thing I heard was a door slam shut, I peeked around the curtain and he was gone. He decided to end the conversation and realized he had the upper hand because I couldn't do anything about it when I was in the shower. When I came out, he was sitting in the recliner watching Sesame Street like nothing happened.

Ethan has a way of reminding me of the things I can't do for him and everyday he has to remind me that I can't "fly him". Basically, what that means is he sits on his tricycle and Matt picks him up with the bike and takes him outside, so he feels like he is flying. Everyday we go outside for a little bit in the morning (don't worry, I have a reclining chair to sit in), before my dad comes to pick him up and he takes his bike out and everyday he says "Mama can't fly me, she's too little". That is his explanation for it, but he looks at me like I can't believe you can't do this for me. Nothing like making mama feel guilty for what she can't do, he knows how to get me just right with his big blue eyes.

The video is of him playing with a balloon after going to our friend Zachary's first birthday party.

Weight Gain and Pictures!

5 pounds in 2 weeks...that is what they told me I had gained from May 28 to June 11. It did not surprise me too much as I could feel that the baby had grown a lot and my belly was a lot bigger. It had also been much harder for me to get up off of the couch or the bed. But, the good news was that I had only gained 11 pounds total in the pregnancy. On average, people gain about 10-14 pounds by the 21st week, so I was right on target and even on the lower end of it, which made me happy. I was so worried that being on bedrest so early would make me gain weight too fast. I really don't want to be unhealthy and add other risks to the ones I already have.

I know it won't last as the bigger the baby gets, the less I will be able to move. It has been hard enough to move as it is, I can't imagine what it will be a couple of weeks from now :) My muscles have caused most of the problem because they get so tight sometimes, it really does hurt to move sometimes. But, I've been trying to do some little stretches to help my muscles. Some days are better than others and I just kind of go day by day with it :)

I've had some tightening and I'm not sure if it is contractions or just the baby moving. I've also had a lot more back pain lately. Both tend to go away when I change positions and I have also been drinking a lot of water to help me stay hydrated. I have been told that as long as the symptoms go away and are not timable it is ok and normal. I have found an incompetant cervix bulletin board that has been really helpful to me in knowing what kinds of things other women in my situation are going through. It helps to see that they are having the same kinds of symptoms and are also being told it is normal.

I can't wait to make it through this week without any problems! This was another huge goal for me, since this is the week I first went into the hospital with Ethan. I am now at the point that every day means a lot to me. I hate the fact that I sometimes have to think about the fact that viability is only a few weeks away and I have to make it to that point and take a deep breath and make it to the next goal. I try to use imagery to help me and the image is a fat, healthy little boy coming home from the hospital with me! It helps me to think about that and helps me to see the long-term goals a little easier, especially when the short-term goals are so important right now!

The picture above is the three of us when I was almost 13 weeks pregnant (I look bigger than I was). It was at our last out of town trip until the baby is born. Matt was in his friend Joe's wedding and we were happy to be able to have that trip. The picture below is one Matt took this weekend at 21 weeks 4 days. I actually look that pregnant and I love it, I never saw that with Ethan's pregnancy. I thought some of you who have not seen me in nearly 2 months and some of you even more, would like to see what I look like and how things are progressing.

Happy Father's Day Part 2

Happy Father's Day! I made a couple of videos for all of you. I hope you like them!
Love, Ethan
P.S. They are just showing up black, but they do work, just press play!

Happy Father's Day!

As I think about Father's Day coming up, I think of two fathers in my life. The first father I think of is my own father. My dad is the kind of dad that would do anything for his daughters. He has five, so that is a lot to ask of him, but he does it. I think back to many times where all we ever had to do was ask and my dad was there for us. Whether it had to do with our houses, cars, yards, school work, or even our children, he is here for us. And my mom puts up with him doing all of these things for us, because she does the same thing, just in her own way. Recently my dad has really helped with taking Ethan back and forth to his house so that my mom can watch him for me. He also brings him back to me when he can so that Matt doesn't have to drive across town.

I know it gets frustrating for both of my parents having to pick up on the things with Ethan that I am unable to do, but I appreciate it a lot. But, as I said in an earlier post, parents do what they have to to make their kids happy. That's what my parents do.

The second father I think of is the father of my children. My wonderful husband Matt. I have said in a previous post all of the things he is sacrificing in order to help bring this baby into the world safely and he has continued to do that. He truly amazes me with all of the things that he has been doing for all of us. I know it has been incredibly hard on him, but I also know that he would not do anything to harm this baby, by making me pick up the slack.

Matt is also so great with Ethan, he does such a great job with him. Sometimes, all I can hear from upstairs is what sounds like thunder, because they are usually chasing each other, wrestling, playing hide-and-seek, etc. It cracks me up to hear them play. Today, they are spending the day together at the zoo. Matt is not in any way a back seat dad, he is right there doing as much as I am, if not more sometimes. I love that about him. I always hear about how some dads don't really help with taking care of their children, whether it is on tv, in the movies, or even people we know, but that is not Matt.

Ethan loves his dad so much. It was so funny because the other day, Ethan was Matt's shadow, he followed him around everywhere and was literally 2 steps, sometimes one, behind him at all times. He is always concerned about where Matt is and what he is doing. I know this has come from the fact that Ethan knows he can trust his dad to always be there for him. I know that Matt will continue to be a great dad to our second son, he already has been.

I could not ask for a better father for my children, I also couldn't ask for a better dad for me.

The picture is from the Mud Hens game that Matt and Ethan went to Memorial Day weekend.

It's a....

Well, you'll have to keep reading to find out!!!! The appointment went very well today! We were very excited to go because of the ultrasound. I had a lot of questions during the ultrasound, just to make sure things were going well. The first time I went into labor with Ethan was about a week and a half from now, so I had a lot of questions about that. We decided to take Ethan, which was interesting because he refused to take a nap today, but he still had fun looking at what was happening.

She went through all of the normal measurements and such and had asked us if we wanted to know what it was and we both said yes! After awhile, I saw a picture between the legs that made me think it was a boy. Then she finally zoomed in to let us see, and even though most of you thought we were having a girl, she told us it's a boy!!! We were both pretty happy about it, we would have either way, but we were happy that Ethan will have a little brother to play with.

They did not do a 3D ultrasound, but we did get a couple of good pictures of his face. The one below is straight on of his face. His face is right in the middle and you can see his body below that.

We also got a pretty good semi-profile picture.

After all of the measurements, the baby was actually measuring 22 weeks and 2 days. I am only 21 weeks and 1 day, so that actually puts the baby a little bigger, which right now is normal, but good. We know exactly when I got pregnant because I wanted to be precise on dates for my bedrest to fall mostly in the summer, of course that didn't matter anyway, but we know I'm still actually 21 weeks. So we'll see how the baby continues to grow, but as of now they said he looks great and looks healthy and that is all we care about. We just want a healthy baby.

My placenta is on top again, it was with Ethan also. But, the technician said that it is not near the cervix, it is actually up high, which is really good. That takes away another risk for this pregnancy, at least for now and hopefully the rest of the pregnancy. The doctor told us that he wants me to get at least another 7 weeks in and I told him I want to at least get 10 weeks and he said that would be wonderful! I got the idea that he really doesn't think I'll go full-term, but he wants me to prove him wrong, which I am ready to do. I've done this for 7 weeks, I can do another 7 or more!

All in all we had another great appointment and we couldn't be happier. We are very excited to add another boy to our family, that makes 8 boys and 3 girls for my parents! I guess it will just have to be me, the dog and our cats as the only females in the house! Now, I understand how my dad feels having only the dogs as the other males in a house of 6 females. And Matt has taken after his dad in producing only boys! His dad had 5 boys, while my dad had 5 girls!

As for a name, no, we don't have one. We have a list going and now that we know it is a boy, we will work to come up with some combinations that we like. But, you will have to wait until the baby is born to know his name, even if we would decide beforehand. We would actually like to have a couple of names ready and then name him when we see him, but we'll see.

We'll keep you updated, especially as the next week or so progresses and we get closer to 22 1/2 weeks.

And the clock struck midnight...

Friday night, the night of the storms...or in some places no storm. Matt, Ethan and I were going about our normal Friday night. We had started to watch a movie and Ethan was completely hyper, running around and talking very loudly. So, the movie got put to rest until later (it was a vod movie). We all started doing other things, well, ok, Ethan continued to be very hyper :) Then my mom called and asked if we had a place to go and I asked what she was talking about and she told us of the severe storms and tornado watches. So, we switched the channel and within moments heard the sirens going off. Matt went out and took care of our hanging plants so that they would not blow over and he took the umbrella off of our table for the same reason. In that few minutes the winds picked up significantly and the sky completely darkened. So, we continued to watch the news and Matt stepped outside to take a look at the sky, since the clouds were so ominous looking.

Ethan was all concerned about daddy being outside and then he told me that grandpa must be scared of the "funder". Which, obviously meant he was afraid, but he needed a buddy to be scared with him and it was clear mommy and daddy were not scared. When Matt came in, Ethan told him not to go outside, which was probably good because that is about the time it started to rain. So, we waited and watch for this severe weather to come through, and it lasted just a few minutes before it was gone and done. Our electricity had gone down once when the AC came on, but that was it and we thought we were good to go...we thought.

It was about 10:30 before we were able to put Ethan to bed. We didn't want him upstairs in case something more severe would happen. Matt and I then chose to wait to watch the movie until Saturday (which never happened) because I was already having problems understanding what the movie was even about and now it was about 2 hours later and I was a lot more tired. I had actually asked Matt, "is it bad that I have no clue what is happening in this movie?" It was about a half hour in, ok, give me a little credit, I have been on bedrest for nearly 7 weeks, my brain is turning into mush!

Eventually, both of us went to bed to read and watch some tv. It was about midnight when Matt heard through the open windows upstairs what sounded like sizzling fireworks. I was still watching tv and just settling in to go to sleep. Then all of a sudden there was a huge booming sound and then it was pitch black. I heard Matt upstairs so I called to him and asked him what he thought it was and we determined that it must have been a transformer that blew. Of course, without lights it was nearly impossible to find flashlights. Matt had received a Maglight for Christmas, so he started looking for it and could not remember where it was. I looked out the window to see if others were out and the street lights and everyone across the street had their lights on. Matt saw the people behind us flashing a flashlight into the trees looking to see what happened, since it sounded like it was right outside our house.

Matt found the light and then some other smaller flashlights. We made the call to the electric company, which was of course automated and no help. Then, we decided to just go to sleep and hope it came back on in the night or early morning. Whenever we have lost electricity in the 9 years we have been married, we have gotten it back within a short amount of time, so we didn't expect anything different this time.

Morning came at a little after 6 am when a little tiny voice said "mama, I want to eat". It turns out that none of us had a good night of sleep. Ethan didn't have his "vent" or as we know it AC or his "ainjoe light" aka angel nightlight, two things he has grown to "need" in order to sleep at night. Matt, ended up with Ethan hogging the bed and making things very hot. I did not have my CPAP machine, so I was up a lot as I used to be. Which all adds up to less than 6 hours of sleep.

Everything was still out and stayed out. Matt called and they said we may not get it back until Sunday afternoon or evening. Now, plans had to be made. Ethan and I could not stay without AC and we were close to losing our freezer and fridge items. We made some phone calls and found some homes for everything. Our fridge items went over to my dad's store into the one there. Our freezer items went over to my sister Erika's house and Ethan and I would go to my parent's house. We decided to eat lunch over at Matt's mom's house and we spent several hours there and then moved over to my parents. Ethan and I were going to stay the night if the lights were still out and Matt would go home and get some work done while he had nothing to distract him.

It all worked out well for all of us. It was weird sleeping in the house I had not slept overnight in since the night before our wedding. But, it was cool and we could both get some much needed sleep. At a little after midnight, Matt sent me a text message that said "THE LIGHTS ARE BACK". I was so happy and went to sleep even better than before. Matt picked us up after Ethan went to church with Grandpa and we started to get back to some normalcy. It really did teach us how much we rely on the computer, tv and electricity in general. It was so hard for me, because that has pretty much been my life lately. It was hard on our electrician son Ethan, because he had to tell us every light and tv that was broken and he was so excited when I told him everything was all fixed at breakfast this morning.

Who knew that when the clock struck midnight all of our plans for the weekend would completely change and on one of the hottest weekends!

20 weeks! and a good IEP meeting!

Well, I made it to a huge goal, which was 20 weeks! This has been a rough week emotionally as you saw in the last post. Ethan ended preschool today and this is also the last week of school for my students. I have never missed the end of the year, so it was difficult for me this week, but it is getting better as the week goes on.

20 weeks was a huge goal for me, because it is the halfway point of the pregnancy. Although it marks a very difficult part of the pregnancy, it gives me hope that I am on the downslope. I am now only 5 weeks from the week Ethan was born and then it will only be another 5 weeks until 30 weeks, which is where the doctor would like me to at least get to and hopefully further. I figure, I have been down for 6 weeks already, so I can make the next couple of chunks. I've already been down twice as long as I was for Ethan and that seemed like forever because I was in the hospital. This time, being home has made a huge difference in how fast the weeks go.

I have now been on progesterone for 30 days and had to pick up my refill today. That is another good thing, because that will help to keep my uterus calm in the next several weeks as the risks get higher. Every week I make is better for the baby, but it is also a higher risk of early labor. So, I am now in the point that I am counting every week and sometimes every day. Every week I get through, the happier I am and it combats the feeling of being scared.

One of the things that helps me through this is Ethan. Seeing him, gives me all the hope I need, especially when I have a meeting with his teachers like we did today. Matt and I went with Ethan to his IEP (Individualized Educational Plan) meeting (I can usually sit for about an hour and that is about how long it lasted). Ethan was so good during the meeting, he just went and played with some toys so that we could meet. We were told that Ethan had reached most of his IEP goals for this year. We were so happy to hear that.

We also found that we are seeing a different kid at home then they are seeing at school. He still has difficulties with his social skills and knowing how to play with other kids. He does well with his cousins, but given a situation where there are 12 kids in the room, he freezes up and needs a lot of adult intervention. He also has slow motor planning, which basically means that he has difficulties with taking messages in, processing it through his brain and then telling his body what to do. It could be talking, running, using his hands, basically anything his brain has to tell him to do. He has always had this problem, but it has improved greatly over the years and even they said that they have seen great improvements in this past year.

We came up with some pretty good goals for him for the next year and I believe he will make them or at least come really close to making them. He is an amazing kid and he loves to learn new things, so I know it will happen for him. We have him enrolled in a summer nature program, where he will have speech, occupational and physical therapist working with him once a week. He will also get more practice with social situations with a brand new set of kids. He will also go to our church VBS program in July. We are trying to expose him to several situations with new kids to help him with his social skills along with the situations to help with motor planning.

We will continue to work with him over the summer on some of the things we discussed at the meeting today, so that he will have a good transition back into school in September. We don't want to lose the momentum we have gained.

Like I said above, he gives me the hope I need everyday to keep this pregnancy safe :) This has already been an emotional but extremely good week! I look forward to my little goals that help me get through each week. My next goal is to get to the ultrasound next week to know that the baby is ok and hopefully, find out what we are having.

Maybe I'm just a little emotional but...

Was it wrong of me to burst into tears when Ethan came home today with his bookbag full of end of year stuff from preschool? I was going through his bag, as I do everyday, and we got to a bag that had a little book the teacher made. It started with a poem about how his teacher was returning him to us...I lost it...I cried. As we went through some of the things Ethan had drawn at different points through the year, I really saw how much he has grown over the past 9 months. (I find it symbolic that school lasts 9 months) We got to his class picture and he went through and told me all of his classmates' names. I looked at him and just cried more and just told him how proud I was that he worked so hard this year. Then he saw a tear stream down my face and said "what's that?". I told him "a tear, but it is a happy tear!" Then I smiled and hugged him.

I am so proud of him and all that he has done this year. This was all following a positive phone call from his teacher earlier today. She said that normally, they are lucky to get 1 or 2 words out of him at school and today it was like a light switch turned on. He was talking in full sentences and was going on and on about his weekend. I was so happy that I could barely contain myself. I called Matt right away and then I felt like I could not stop thinking about it, because I was so happy! He really does make me so proud to know that my tiny little miracle is doing so well and that he has accomplished so much in just 9 months. As much as the reality set in that my baby just finished his first year of preschool, I could not have been more proud of him than I was today. How will I make it through all of his other school milestones? I'm going to be a blubbering idiot :)

Perfect example of me being a blubbering idiot: I made a goodbye video for my students today and about halfway through I started crying as I do every year when I tell my students goodbye. I could have rewound the tape and started over, but that would not be the real me. They are not even my children, but they sort of become mine during the year and it is hard to say goodbye, even to the ones that challenged me, because they did just that, they made me a better teacher because of the challenge.

Mom and teacher, are they really different?? I don't think so.