Rain, Fireworks and Toilet Paper

Rain - Ethan LOVES to play outside. I can't express in words how much, he just loves it. We have had rain everyday for the past week and it has been very frustrating to the little boy, whose biggest happiness comes from being outside. Luckily, most of the rains have been short enough that he can play outside in between storms, but some of the days it has been rough and we get "I want to have to go outside and play" on a constant basis. We have to continually remind him that it is raining and everything is wet. He wanted to be outside so much on Sunday morning, that he stayed out riding his bike even though a light rain had started. Matt noticed it was raining and called him back in and Ethan was still all smiles even though he was a little wet :)

Fireworks - Our child is obsessed with fireworks! Last summer he was obsessed, even though the noise still scared him and we thought he would not be as obsessed about it this year. Not the case! On Saturday night some people in the neighborhood were doing fireworks, which of course did not allow Ethan to get to bed on time, so he wanted to watch them. Since then, the talk has only been about fireworks. "We gonna see some fireworks at our house??" Last night Matt mentioned that Holland was having their fireworks that night, so we made plans to get Ethan to that. Matt's brother Chris was here from San Diego, so we decided that the four of us would make a quick trip to the fireworks. So that you know we made a safe decision for me, we were only going about 2 minutes down the road and I was going to lay down in the car to watch the fireworks.

We left a little before 10 and stopped at the Kroger near our house to watch the fireworks. It was perfect because I layed down in the car, while the other 3 got out and stood in the lot to watch. We were done within about 20 minutes and back home. We've learned not to go all the way to the park with Ethan, at least not yet. He still does not enjoy the sound as much, so some distance is good! But, now all morning I have heard, "we gonna see some fireworks at our house?" I have to constantly remind him that it needs to be dark and we may not even see any then. I wish I could say that this will end after this week is over, but I know that it will continue through the summer. We are on constant watch for when Ethan can catch some fireworks, even if they are little ones in the neighborhood :)

Toilet Paper - This is just a cute Ethan story. This morning, I noticed that my bathroom was just about out of toilet paper and the only other toilet paper in the house was upstairs in Matt's bathroom. Since, I can't go upstairs (I can if I have to, but I feel right now it is way too risky, so I don't) I sent Ethan up to get some. So I told him to go to the closet with his towels and bring down some toilet paper. He said "ok!" and ran upstairs, a couple minutes later he came down with a towel. So, I sent him back up after he called daddy to get better details as to where the toilet paper was. He came back down with some wipes. On the third try, with some more details and simpler direction, he came back down with a wad of toilet paper that he took off Matt's roll :) I just laughed and he said "I have toilet paper". I said your right, let's take a break and eat some breakfast and try again later.

After breakfast, we tried again. I sent him up after reminding him of the details and he didn't come back down this time, instead he got side tracked and was playing with the doors upstairs. After a couple more tries, he came back down with another towel. This time, I got really clear about what to do and he finally came back down with one roll of toilet paper! I told him he did a good job and he just lit up! It was so funny. He tries so hard to help his mama. I have to admit that right before that last time, I was going to just say forget it and head up myself, so I'm glad he found it for me :)

Funder and Lightening

We have had a lot of "funder" and lightening lately in our house and that doesn't just include storms. We've had a pretty crazy week with a lot going on. The real rain storms we have had have been somewhat annoying because they just creep up on us and last for a few minutes and then are gone. It has been hard for Ethan when he can't play outside as much as he would like.

Last night we all woke up with the thunder and lightening that was going on in the middle of the night. Before I knew it, both Matt and Ethan were downstairs and I could hear Ethan call me. Matt was trying to turn off the motion light outside that was going nuts with all of the wind and of course Ethan did not want to be left alone upstairs. He ended up crawling into my bed until the storm passed. He discussed how everyone must be scared about the funder. This morning, he came down to my room around 7 and told me that Doggy (his stuffed dalmation) was scared of the funder last night. I think it is cute that he feels better about being scared if he knows others are scared also.

Yesterday we got the news that I had a bladder infection. Not the greatest news, but manageable. It has made things pretty uncomfortable lately. We found out a couple of hours before we needed to go to my grandmothers visitation at the funeral home. My grandmother passed away on Monday, and I didn't feel like I could miss the visitation and funeral. We went to the visitation for a little bit last night and attended only the service today.

Being out really showed me how important this bedrest is, but at the same time it showed me how much weaker I am getting physically. After having to go to the lab yesterday morning and then having the visitation in the evening, I was completely exhausted. I was still feeling some of the effects today, but we still went to the service anyway. I'm feeling ok now. I have been laying down all afternoon and I haven't really even sat up much at all. The antibiotics are kicking in which is making things a little better. I'm just going to take it really easy over the next several days, I know that's hard for me to do, since I do it every day, but I will be extra cautious.

While, it has been a rough couple of days, we have had some good news in all of this. Last night Matt was able to feel the baby kicking and he has been a little rascal ever since. He has been kicking like crazy. This morning, I took a nap with my hips raised to help relieve some of the pressure from sitting yesterday and he did not like that. He kicked me all over, almost like he was saying "mom, I'm sleeping, what are you doing to me". But, he moved up and I felt less pressure when I got up. So, we know he has a lot of spunk, very much like his big brother :) We are so curious to know what his personality is going to be like. Of course, we are willing to wait a few more months to find out :)

Enjoy your weekend!

Updates on Ethan and baby!

We'll start with the baby and my appointment today. All looks good again, and he was happy to see my belly growth. I asked him a lot of questions about some things I had been feeling lately and he said that it is ok as long as nothing is long-lasting. I am going to be checked for a UTI to make sure I don't get a bladder infection that could put me into labor. The urine test came out ok at the office, but he said that some of my symptoms would be better to have tested than to let them go. I'll have to go back tomorrow to do that, since I did not have the right paperwork and the lab was closing. Hopefully, it will all be good and still be negative.

I will probably get the steroid shots in the 27th week as a precaution in case I go into labor early. He'll do it earlier if symptoms call for it to be earlier. He also said that I should come in at any point if I am feeling like something isn't right or even just call to make sure things are ok. That made me feel good to hear, sometimes I feel like I would be a bother, but it is good to know he wants me to if necessary. He also told me that a cerclage patient just went into labor at 37 weeks!! I was so happy to hear that, it makes me feel good to know that I have a chance to go that long.

He said that based on all I said I'm doing, that I am doing things right. He said it is common sense and that is what I'm using!! So, I felt pretty good about the appointment.

As for Ethan, he had an eye exam today. He has not been able to fully pass the exam, so we had one again today to see how he has done in the past few months. Matt took him and we did not get any final answers. He seems to be using both eyes well, although it looks like he may be favoring one over the other. So, we go back in 6 months and if it still comes out the same or worse we may have to do some eye patching to help correct his eyes. Not a terrible prognosis, we were just hoping that maybe it would be a clearer answer this time. They did say it is hard with preemies because they need a lot longer to mature, so that made it a little easier to know that it is ok not to have a clear prognosis right now. Of course it doesn't help that lazy eyes are in my family and that a lot of family members between Matt and I need glasses. So, it would not be shocking if he would have eye issues. Like I said, we could have had worse news and we didn't. It just shows what a true miracle he really is and that we can deal with these little things that come our way, because we know it could have been worse.

So, we had some overall good news today! We look forward to more good news in the weeks to come, even though I am going to be a nervous wreck. At this point, I am so happy for every day that I get in and then every week I get. It all means so much to the health of this baby and to my own mind. I get excited by every day I make it through and every Tuesday when I start my new week I get really, really excited! Next week is a good week for viability. I really want to make it into the 24th week and obviously beyond.

We'll keep you updated.

My 3 am Visitor!

Last night I woke up after only about an hour and a half of sleeping and I could not get back to sleep. I tossed and turned from about 1:30 until a little after 2. I finally turned the tv on so that I could get something else on my mind and at about 2:45 I heard some little cries through the monitor.

Of course, I felt like I couldn't do anything about it, but then he stopped crying and settled down, or so I thought! A couple of minutes later I thought I heard something on the stairs and I told myself to look at my doorway. And guess who was there? Ethan, our little ninja! We've started calling him that because he seems to just appear out of no where sometimes.

I asked him what he was doing and he said "I'm waking up" and I said, "I guess you can't sleep either." Then he requested some milk, which sounded good to me also. So we got milk and settled into my bed for the night. It was nice because both of us fell asleep within a few minutes. I guess we both just needed to be near each other :) I love when he feels he needs his mommy!

Of course, when Matt got up, he had no idea what had transpired in the night. He saw Ethan's bed empty and eventually found him downstairs in the bed with me! He didn't get to hear the whole story until I called him after we woke up!

We Are Provided For...

Since I am on bed rest, I am unable to attend church, so I have been receiving the church bulletin the last few weeks with the lessons in it. It is a hard thing for me to not go to church, because I have always gone and I always feel bad when I can't go. I also feel strongly that Ethan would not have been here had it not been for our faith in God and all of the prayers that were lifted up for him. I also strongly feel that I would not be this far into the pregnancy if I did not have faith that God would take care of this little one also. It was obviously God's plan for me to continue with this pregnancy and whatever comes with it, just as it would have been his plan to take this little boy to heaven with him 9 weeks ago.

I was reading the Gospel lesson from yesterday and found the words to be very true...

Matthew 6:31-34 says:
Therefore do no worry, saying, "What will we eat?" or "What will we drink?" or "What will we wear?" For it is the Gentiles who strive for all these things; and indeed your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things. But strive first for the kingdome of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. So do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring worries of its own. Today's trouble is enough for today.

There are so many levels to this set of verses, but I'll talk about two that I got from it. The first being the very last sentence. I have tried to face this pregnancy only thinking about today and the positive parts of the future. I have really tried to not worry too much about what the future of this pregnancy will bring. It is hard, especially when you are alone most of the day and your brain starts to think, but I try everyday to remember not to worry and this verse reminded me of that yesterday.

The second thing I got from it is that God will provide for you. Matt and I knew going into this pregnancy that we were going to face me having to go unpaid at some point, we just didn't think it would happen so early. We learned from the last time that we would be provided for during the difficult financial times, but that we also had to have faith for this to happen. And boy have we been provided for...

My focus is on the question "What will we eat?" - We have meals delivered about 3 times a week to us. We get meals from family, friends and our church members. The staff at the school I work at collected money and provided us with 12 frozen dinners that we can pull out on our nights that we don't have a dinner delivered. We are seriously never hungry. We sometimes, have too much to eat! It was funny because yesterday Matt and Ethan went to church and then to the church picnic and we knew Matt was picking up a dinner from one of the church members this week, but we didn't expect what we received.

Our moms had two of the meals this week and they really provided us with complete meals that will feed us for days, so our refrigerator was already pretty full. Matt called me from the picnic and said, "well we have a tin of some of the food from the picnic, the dinner we were expecting, a huge loaf of bread and Ethan and I won a cake in the cake walk". I just laughed, because we were just talking about how much we already had in our refrigerator and on top of that we already had 2 cakes in the fridge (my mom made a strawberry cake, and Matt's grandpa made a pineapple upside down cake). We have certainly not had to worry about "What will we eat?"

Thanks to so many people, especially my sister Taia, who coordinates the food calendar and to my pastor, who coordinates the church members, we have been well provided for and we appreciate it! I sometimes feel like we are in the story of Jesus providing for 5000 with only 2 fish and 5 loaves of bread. It seems as though the food comes in and multiplies in our refrigerator and gives us enough for dinner and lunch.

This baby is getting all of the vitamins and nutrients he needs to continue growing and we are thankful. We have enjoyed the conversations with friends and family as they drop off or even join us for the dinner. We have learned about some foods that we have never tried before and would like to try again in the future (when I can actually cook again someday). We appreciate it all and thank everyone involved in helping us not to worry so much about the future, and sometimes not even about today!

22 weeks and 3 days!

Well, this was a big goal! I started labor with Ethan at about 22 weeks 3 days, so I am happy to be here with no signs of labor. I'm a lot better off this time than I was the last time. I know what is wrong with my body, whereas at that time I thought I was having a normal pregnancy and I was still living a normal life. This time I know what is going on, I have my cerclage in and I have been on bedrest for 8 1/2 weeks! Can you believe it?? It has been just over 2 months.

My little guy has been moving like crazy, which has really helped me to keep going. He makes me so happy everytime he moves. When he is active, he is very active. It reminds me of how Ethan was. Hopefully, Matt and Ethan will be able to feel him soon. Matt was able to see my belly jump a little with some of the kicks a couple of nights ago.

I think I have been doing a lot of stretching this week because my bones have been hurting, my back has been hurting, especially the sciadic nerve and I have had definite stretch feelings. All good signs of the baby's growth. I have been dealing with a lot more bedrest-type pain, which has been really frustrating, but I have been enjoying my belly getting bigger.

I was just thinking about how so many women do nothing but complain during pregnancy and they can't really find much that they enjoyed during pregnancy, but maybe it is because they never experienced a loss of a pregnancy or even a near-loss. I enjoyed every moment of my pregnancy with Ethan, which is why I also mourned the early loss of the pregnancy for so long afterwards (a couple of years). I am again enjoying every moment, because I lost the chance to get big and uncomfortable with Ethan. What I don't enjoy is the pain of bedrest.

I just told Matt that I have no complaints of it being harder for me to get up now, the size of my belly or even the fact that I have the pregnancy walk. I love each of those things and am so happy I am finally experiencing it, I've waited four years for this and I love it. I just wish that I could experience all of it in the normal way. If I didn't have bedrest, I would feel so much better! I don't like crying in pain because I can't walk due to my legs being so sore or because my sciadic is pinched. I know some things would still be there in a normal pregnancy, but at least I could walk off some of the pain and stretch my muscles out. I can't do that right now, all I have are the little tiny walks to the bathroom and kitchen and my little stretching exercises.

My next appointment will be next Thursday, the 26th. We also have an eye appointment for Ethan early that morning. Ethan did not pass the last eye exam because he had not had a nap and was not cooperating, so we hope this time he does a lot better and won't need glasses. Hopefully, he has daddy's vision and not mommy's! We said we'll save a lot of money if he has daddy's vision and mommy's teeth (I never needed braces and have had very few cavities). So far, his teeth are good!

I just had to share this picture of Ethan that Grandma Young took last night when he stayed the night there. It is just too cute!

Silly Ethan with some ATTITUDE!

I thought I would do a fun Ethan post....

These pictures are of him playing with the goggles that came in his Home Depot tool chest. He just thought he was so cool and let's admit it, he is. He actually rode his bike outside one day with the goggles hanging off his chin like in the picture.

Ethan has been showing his almost 4 year old attitude lately...On Sunday, Matt, Ethan and I were all sitting and talking and Ethan was sitting on Matt's lap and trying to tell me something and everytime he tried to talk, Matt would bounce him and tickle him, which then made Ethan laugh. After several times of this happening, Ethan finally turned to Matt and pointed his finger at him and said "STOP! I'm talking to Mama!" Of course, all Matt and I could do was just laugh at him because he was so serious about it.

On Monday, I was taking my shower and I realized I didn't have Ethan sit on the potty (yes, we are still trying to work on pooping in the potty) and I thought he might go in his pants while I was showering. So, I called him into the bathroom and finally after several tries, he came in and I asked him to go get his potty chair and bring it into the bathroom, which he said no to. So, I asked him again, to which I got another no and the next time I was more firm and said "Ethan, go get your potty and bring it in here now please." The next thing I heard was a door slam shut, I peeked around the curtain and he was gone. He decided to end the conversation and realized he had the upper hand because I couldn't do anything about it when I was in the shower. When I came out, he was sitting in the recliner watching Sesame Street like nothing happened.

Ethan has a way of reminding me of the things I can't do for him and everyday he has to remind me that I can't "fly him". Basically, what that means is he sits on his tricycle and Matt picks him up with the bike and takes him outside, so he feels like he is flying. Everyday we go outside for a little bit in the morning (don't worry, I have a reclining chair to sit in), before my dad comes to pick him up and he takes his bike out and everyday he says "Mama can't fly me, she's too little". That is his explanation for it, but he looks at me like I can't believe you can't do this for me. Nothing like making mama feel guilty for what she can't do, he knows how to get me just right with his big blue eyes.

The video is of him playing with a balloon after going to our friend Zachary's first birthday party.